We want to live by the mantra of "weekend calories don't count," but do they ever. Throw in an extra day, more than ample choices, and Fat Tuesday won't simply be something we reference in February.

Rudyanto Wijaya

Listen: I say this as someone who has zero issues plowing through an entire bag of Doritos, or sitting with a block of Cabot Habanero cheese. (It counts as exercise if I'm sweating, right?) I'm a snacker, and if there's any moral ground to sit on, I hope it's at least catered by Chick-fil-A. Phew. That's out of the way right up front.

Yet, here we are, with the inner voice of this weekend's BBQ tour. For those trying to keep from buying new swim trucks, there are a few little reminders for those who are counting (or telling yourself you are) calories.

1. Use The Other Hand - Yo, what's a party without chips? One of the most brilliant marketing campaigns came from Lays "no one can eat just one." Yet, most of us don't stop at a one handful! However, if you usually eat with your right hand, try grabbing snacks with your left. It becomes less voluntary and you actually have to think. If you're ambidextrous, I got nuthin'. Stop overachieving.

2. What's In A Name? (part 1) - Salad. The word allows sooooo many poor diet choices. Somewhere along the line, tortilla chips on one of these so called healthy alternatives became justified by calling them "strips." No, it's still deep fried corn, Neil. So, before you (as Tony Soprano once said) "seriously consider salad," if it has the word taco, potato, or pasta in front, you're not doing yourself any favors.

3. What's In A Name? (part 2) - Smartfood. Another one from the snack table. Especially during summer, you see this lying sack of snack everywhere. Speaking from experience, there is nothing SMART about Smartfood. Tastes amazing, yes, but don't fool yourself into thinking it's a better alternative to anything aside from deep fried Oreos. It's slightly better for you than that, but fair season is still a few months away. Easy now.

4. Mean Mr. Mustard - While we're talking misleading labels, there's nothing honey about (most) honey mustard. Furthermore, if your mustard has water and sugar in the list of ingredients BEFORE mustard seeds, it should be escorted from the property. Pretend mustard is awesome, just know honey isn't doing you any favors in an already watered down/sugared up condiment.

5. Cal A Rita - Summer drinks are light, yes? Of course! The can features summerish colors such as green and yellow with a white backdrop. Plus, you can hardly taste the alcohol! Reality check: One 24oz Lime a Rita bulldozes in at 660 calories. (mic/jaw drop)