A Message to the Driver on 295 in Maine That Helped Me Understand Women Better
I think...I just peaked?
I mean, I hope not, because I still (hopefully) have a lot of years left, so if I peaked this early, I mean, what's left?
But I think I just cracked some kind of code. And it's all because of you, random driver on 295 in Maine.
Because of you, I think I actually understand women on a whole different level now.
You know how there's that whole joke (even though it's not actually a joke) about women having a dream that their partner cheated on them and either waking up in the middle of the night to smack them, or waking up the next morning and being royally pissed at them?
Like, for no legit reason other than Dream Partner cheated, but Real Life Partner has been loyal as hell (in a perfect world, anyway.)
For most guys (at least the ones that don't have an ounce of being in touch with their feminine side anyway), it makes zero sense. They did nothing wrong, yet their partner is heated at them because of a dream.
I get it, now. I get why women get so angry at their partners over what happened in a dream, even though it's not reality. And you taught me that lesson on 295 this morning, random driver.
Because while I was in the right lane and you were driving like a sucknugget in the left lane, riding the bumper of the car in front of you to try and pass them on the right, you almost ran me off the road. That's not where the lesson kicked in.
It was when I couldn't ignore my inner road rage so decided to floor it so I could catch up to you and stare you down (hey, I'm not perfect) when the lesson kicked in. Because you looked familiar.
You looked exactly like someone in my life that's been an absolute pain in the booty for the last couple of weeks, and the second I laid eyes on you, I instantly got more annoyed and angry with this person.
This person that literally had nothing to do with you driving like absolute dumpster juice and almost side-swiping me going like 70mph. This person that I have no idea where in the bluest of blue hells even was when you did this.
But because you looked even mildly similar, I instantly starting despising this person just a little bit more the moment I saw you. Exactly like the stereotypical woman angry at her partner for cheating on her in a dream.
So, thank you for the lesson this morning, sucky random 295 driver. Because of you, I feel like I understand women just a little bit more and maybe took one step closer to not dying alone.
I owe you. More than just the middle finger I chucked out my window at you. Sorry, not sorry.