There are two things for which Maine’s Stephen King is undeniably known: the Red Sox, and books. That said, the baseball has to be pretty bad for even the King of Horror to shift his gaze to a tablet.

But for the 2023 Boston Red Sox, that’s where we are. In Boston to see the Sox take on Mookie Betts (who is, no doubt, an all-timer on Bob Lobel’s team of “why can’t we get players like that”), King appears to have grown as disinterested as everyone else.

Hence…this.

That is what the revolving door Red Sox have done. They turned the great Stephen King into a bored dad at a soccer tournament.

Do you realize how bad things have to be going for this to occur? This is a man who wrote a famous story about a young girl who loved Red Sox reliever (reliever!) Tom Gordon. Who is as easily identifiable by his faded Sox cap as his trademark glasses.

I wonder what he was reading. Maybe he was reviewing notes to a spinoff to his greatest novel, 11/22/63. This follow-up is 2/10/23, a day when Jake Epping goes back in time to stop the Red Sox from foolishly trading Betts to Los Angeles.

It wouldn’t be the first time King crafted an alternate ending from the stands at Fenway. In 2004, the author was approached by a reporter from Fox Sports in the waning moments of Boston’s 19-8 defeat in Game 3 of the ALCS.

Pressed to admit defeat to the hated Yankees, King not only refused, but predicted his own ending that wound up being chillingly accurate.

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