The Real Mall of America is Right Here in Seabrook, New Hampshire

There’s been a lot of talk lately about malls on the Seacoast, mainly from me and you.

But while other malls close, downsize, or reconfigure, one mall on the Seacoast has remained largely unchanged for as long as I can remember. And it may just be the greatest mall of them all.

At 919 Lafayette Road in Seabrook (just feet away from the greatest road sign in the history of New Hampshire) stands what can only be described as a Charlie Sheen Fantasy Camp. Of course, I’m referring to the legendary Eaton Plaza.

Never been? Allow me to walk you through a trip to this Seacoast staple.

The Plaza is most famous for its adult entertainment shop, Leather & Lace. Then, there is the Seabrook Hawkshop Exchange. It's an excellent place to swap out a valuable piece of jewelry, such as the wedding ring you’ll no longer need if you are seen at Leather & Lace.

Perhaps you seek something new in its place in terms of permanence. That’s when you'd visit Clay Dragon Tattoo. Did it sting (the tattoo, I mean)? No worries.

Next stop would be Up in Smoke, where it was always 4:20.

To take full advantage of your current state, visit Chris’ Comics. Not only is it your go-to destination for comic books and sports cards, but if you got enough stuff at Up in Smoke, the guys in the comics and sports cards would start waving at you!

As is always the case, you want to go out with a bang, and that’s when you'd hit up Rudy & Larry’s Fireworks.

And it’s not just the stores in the mall that’ll serve you well. After you inevitably fail to follow Rudy and Larry’s fireworks instructions, you can head just north to the Touch Free Carwash (which they could also offer at a place like Leather & Lace).

But like with other malls, Eaton Plaza has seen some recent turnover. Up In Smoke is just that. However, I'm happy to say I recently heard from the mall's new owner (son of the original), who gave me some details on changes coming to Eaton Plaza in 2023.