An Open Letter to the Moron Bicyclist in Front of Maine’s Cross Insurance Arena

Dear Dude on a Bike,

I’m not sure if you had a death wish, you were trying to own my bank account through physical harm that you would have caused, or if you just simply didn’t care about anyone or anything but yourself, but with all due respect – you’re an absolute idiot for what you did in front of the Cross Insurance Arena.

I was driving on Spring Street and slowly approaching the set of lights at the Spring Street/Center Street intersection right in front of the Arena. I always take a left at that light so I can make my way down to Commercial Street. Thankfully, I was slowing to a stop for the red light at that intersection because as an SUV took a right from Center onto Spring, out you popped from behind the SUV to its left.

Instead of actually acting like a vehicle on the road, which is what you’re supposed to do when there is no specific bicycle lane on a road, you decided the rules didn’t apply to you. Not only did you decide to continue pedaling to the left of the SUV and actually start gaining on it, but the entire time you were doing that? You were riding your bike in the middle of my lane and coming right at me dead center.

Sir, I have a truck. Which means if I wasn’t paying attention or if I felt like playing a game of chicken yesterday afternoon, you would have looked like one of those old splat logos that Nickelodeon used in the 1990s. But you didn’t seem to care. Because after I jammed on my brakes anticipating that you were going to be a careless jackhole and continue riding in the middle of my lane (SPOILER: I was right), you rode passed my truck close enough where I could have stuck my arm out of my open driver’s side window and clotheslined you.

In fact, you couldn’t have cared less so much to the point that when I actually said, “What the hell are you doing?” as you rode close enough to hear me, you didn’t even so much as have an inkling of a response. Because clearly I and everyone else on your road were beneath you because the rules don’t apply to you, right?

Here’s a free science lesson for you – a 4,000-pound truck does a lot more damage than a 50-pound bike that’s topped by a 150-pound human. Be smarter next time before you run into a similar situation and the driver ends up not being someone who makes sure he stays super aware of his surroundings and anticipates idiot moves. No one needs an accidental death on their conscience because of your moronic moves.