*WARNING* I will be making as many bathroom related puns or jokes as possible throughout this entire piece. Make sure to log that as we make movement through this article.....

Maine is becoming #1 at not being able to go #2. Or number 1 for that matter. It looks like we're facing a crisis of the worst kind...... a shortage of port-a-potties. It's a fear we never knew we had, until now, when it seems our luck is running out. If you're looking to rent one right now for anything, good luck to you.

One such journeyman of the Johns is Royal Flush in South Portland. According to WGME - TV13, because of delays at the source, the potties have been reduced to a trickle in terms of manufacturing. Pre-pandemic, the dams were popping with pee palaces. Now, you can't find one anywhere.

And because of this backlog, it's clogging up people's abilities to get one at all. Most places are prioritizing returning customers, so until some new commodes arrive, most people will be crossing their legs for quite some time. Royal Flush said they were slated to receive a shipment last month, but it's been delayed for the foreseeable future.

Thank god Waterfront Concerts did all those upgrades to their bathroom situation. I've lost count of how many times I've done the wee-wee shuffle, waiting for my turn at one of those wretched, smelly hot boxes. Those lines would stretch all the way over to Dunkin' if they were still exclusively rocking the gastro-closet.

Now would be the time for some enterprising young genius to "crapitalize" on everyone's lack of a squat spot. Maybe it's time for the return of the good old wooden outhouse. Oh yeah, there's a lumber shortage too. So I guess there probably won't be any of those either.

Maybe it's time for that brick you-know-what house we have always heard about. granted, it wouldn't be portable. But it would definitely stand up to whatever Uncle Ralph can dish out at the family picnic this year. Or maybe just don't let him dish as much into his grocery hole at the 4th of July BBQ.

With any luck, this will all work itself out well before the end of the summer. I certainly don't want to be taking a paddle around the lake and see the neighbors doing their business al fresco. Having the septic tank emptied is bad enough. Wtching the neighbors trying to differentiate maple leaves from poison ivy just doesn't sound fun.

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