Have You Seen the Devil Monkey of New Hampshire?
There’s been a lot of talk about scary animals lately. Mostly from me.
But in researching New Hampshire’s most dangerous animal (not who you’d think it would be), I came across some local folklore I couldn't believe I hadn't heard.
How have I not heard about the horrifying Devil Monkey???
According to venerable news source Chowdaheadz.com (should we trust them any less than the cable news networks?), the story begins in 2001, when spine-tingling howls could be heard throughout the night. Upon investigating, a man reported seeing a tiny, reddish-brown creature with razor claws.
Now in all likelihood, this is just another case of us New Hampshirites letting our minds get creative, or so I thought. I did a double-take when I read that the man who reported this supposed terror was the Danville Fire Chief!
How silly would it be for a respected town official to just make something like that up? Apparently, residents felt the same way. For the next two weeks, parents refused to let their children out at night, because the Devil Monkey was busy at its day job, I guess.
It was only a matter of time before more sightings were reported. That's always the case with any Bigfoot-like “menace” – people piggyback and claim they also “saw” some crazy beast.
But here’s the problem: monkeys are real. According to Baylor University, about 15,000 monkeys are imported into the U.S. each year, and that doesn't count those smuggled illegally. And as it is illegal to own a primate in New Hampshire, one would think the chances of seeing a monkey in the Granite State are quite slim.
But that’s where the story grows more curious than Curious George himself. The Fire Chief said the monkey he saw wilding in the woods was wearing a muzzle over its face! It was a ferocious mix of Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs and Marcel from Friends, and an indicator that perhaps some mad New Hampshirite knew they were in possession of this strange demon. But why?
It seems we’ll never know. As quickly as they started, the Devil Monkey sightings of 2001 ended. He vanished mysteriously without any closure - unlike his long-elusive cousin at a legendary Boston sports venue.
As for what happened to the Devil Monkey of Danville? Who knows. Your guess is as good as mine as to why it vanished just as quickly as it appeared.
But the safest bet is that it probably had a rather unfortunate encounter with those darn dirty squirrels (who, apparently, are pets now?!).