First let me just say that getting a colonoscopy is way better than what you have imagined. But, there is one thing I was super hoping not to hear...

I even thought it as I nervously approached Portland Gastroenterology on Congress Street...please don't say

Lori Voornas? Oh I'm a huge fan and I listen every day.

That was what Kari said when she was doing my preliminary paperwork. It hit her that the voice sounded familiar and then it all clicked. She was super cute about it and I was horrified. A listener may see my pooper! But she was so damn sweet...I moved on.

Sitting in the recovery area waiting to...get the you know what, I hear the nurses chatting. We are all in the room either waiting to go get the fun done, or recovering from having the fun done. I hear the guy next to me high as a kite say,

Is that Lori Voornas? Hey, let's do a colonoscopy fist bump through the curtains!

I was in the middle of undressing. I gave Pete a fist bump and then he wanted to figure out what our 'colonoscopy song' would be Monday. Remember, he was in recovery, high on drugs and the nurses kept assuring me he would not remember this.

I picked the song 'Baby Got Back'. He seemed to like that.


Then it was my turn. As they wheeled me in, there was Linda, Margo, Carla and Dr. Mayes (I picked a woman cuz I didn't want a dude...there). By the way, she's Honduran, not Indian as I insisted high as a kite.

They were all soooo nice! Really professional, really caring - just super people. I would call them the dream team.

Then came the drugs. They were fabulous, not completely out (like for my hysterectomy) more of a weird out. In fact, I would have sworn I was awake for the whole thing! I was assured I was not. But I do remember talking and asking if I did a good job with my prep work.


It seemed easy, quick and painless. I just remember viewing my colon on a TV screen. And again, I would have sworn I was awake the whole time.

Apparently I was obsessed with knowing if my prep was good. I mean, on my end (so to speak) I did a very good job. I was cleaned right out! But I was hearing horror stories about it not being good and doctors having a hard time. I wanted to be a star patient.

They said that I had the 'Prep of the Day!' and even gave me a star. They don't have stars, so they made one...


Here's what I want to say about my colonoscopy:

To be honest, I was scared and depressed about it. All I kept hearing is that 'the prep is the worst part! Oh it's terrible!' Ya know, is it the most fun I've ever had?  No. Is it the worst thing I've ever done?  Hell no! It's not that bad, it's not that scary and it really is pretty damn easy.

They found a couple of polyps (pretty common) and took care of them.


Don't let your fear keep you from doing something that can save your life. And good probably won't hear, 'Hey, I listen to you every day!'