Hate Planning? Here’s A Portland St. Patrick’s Day Cheat Sheet
I know, I know. Planning is hard. Sometimes the task of deciding where to go and when overshadows the excitement you originally had for going out on St. Patrick's Day. You don't want to miss out on the fun, but you just want someone to decide these things for you. Say no more, friend.
With the list below, you'll have yourself a fun-filled St. Patrick's Day and be none the more annoyed by having planned it out.
5:00am - Wake up. Choose your own adventure: if you're brave, put on a swim suit. If you like watching brave people do brave things but are not brave yourself, just throw on something green. Either way, head to East End Beach.
5:30am - Once at East End Beach, prepare to engage in or be entertained by the St. Patrick's Day Plunge to support the Children's Burn Foundation! If you'd like to donate, go to give.classy.org/paddysdayplunge and/or post the link to social media. If you do end up dunking, you will have earned yourself a free breakfast buffet, charity auction, and beer (duh) at Ri Ra.
6:00am - If you dunked, head to Ri Ra for free stuff. If you didn't take the plunge, you can still head to Ri Ra or you can head to Brian Boru Public House for an Irish breakfast, festivities and live music.
8:00am - After an Irish breakfast that can't be beat, pick up a bottle of Bailey's, Vitamin Water, and a box of Wheat Thins, and head home to nap off your early wakeup call. You've earned it.
10:30am - Wake up again. Make some coffee. Pour some Bailey's in it. Leave the Wheat Thins on the counter and the Vitamin Water in the fridge.
11:00am - Head to Bull Feeney's for some live music from our very own internationally recognized Maine Public Safety Pipe & Drum Corps. Say hi to Brian for me. While you're there, take advantage of Bull Feeney's Irish spread, including their 39 Irish whiskies and several Irish beers.
12:00pm - After an amazing performance by the Pipe and Drum Corps and a generous intake of Irish alcohol, stumble down the cobblestones to Commercial Street to catch the Irish American Club's St. Patrick's Day parade.
12:45pm - Make your way down to the end of a pier in the Old Port for a few moments of recovery and self-reflection. Today is all about mental health and hydration, after all.
1:00pm - Choose your own adventure:
If you're seeing double, head home and watch Brooklyn on Amazon.
If you're feeling pretty solid, head to Gritty's for Jameson's Caskmates IPA edition whiskey shots and a pint of IPA for $12. SIP THESE GENTLY. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
3:30pm - Stick around Gritty's to catch the start of Kora Temple Highlanders Bagpipes & Drummers, then for real HEAD HOME because by now you're definitely too drunk and also your ears are ringing.
When you get home, Drunk You will be thrilled to find those Wheat Thins and Vitamin Water that Sober Morning You left as a present. Take a moment of silence while you nom and swig those goodies to reflect on your Irish ancestors who survived or didn't survive the potato famine to bring us these precious traditions still cherished generations later. And if you're not Irish, just pretend you are.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!